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Pandora's Fitness Plan

I've been listening to the official workout station on Pandora for 3 months and I'm still fat,

Liquid Conversation

Did you guys know that water can talk?

The Chillbilly

What do you call a relaxed redneck?

Gym Priorities

Pretty busy at the gym this morning.

Life Goals

I often think if I'd taken a different path in life,

A Zoo-tastic Legacy

My Grandfather had the heart of a lion

The Duck's Bill

I bought a muzzle for my pet duck.

Galactic Tech Support

Why did the Storm Trooper decide to buy an Iphone?

Social Media Blues

With Facebook, you can stay in touch with people you would otherwise never talk to,

Canine Seismic Sensors

My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen.

The Anti-Buddy Cop Movie

I'm ready for the cop-buddy film where they actually get along in the beginning

Dino-Holiday

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Scientific Drinking

Not to get too technical, but chemistry says alcohol IS a solution.

The Scent of Seniority

What do grandparents smell like?

Maths Debating

Everyone in my class is arguing about science,

Zookeeper Ethics

It's just sad how often I see zookeepers

A Tangled Tale

Wanna hear a pun about long hair?

Tiny House Living

Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: "Well, isn't this quaint?"

Interplanetary Travel Plans

It would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars.

A Fruity Matrimony

Why do melons always have big weddings?

The Lord said unto John

Come forth and be awarded eternal life