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The Cat Owner's Guide

The Cat Owner's Guide

Do you hate yourself? Do you wish someone would trip you down stairs? Do you enjoy lacerations & and surprise vomit piles?

Joke of the Day March 9, 2026

The High Stakes Laundry Negotiation

My wife asked why I was standing in the laundry room staring intensely at my favorite sweater for ten minutes without moving.

I told her the tag says 'Dry Flat,' and I’m just waiting for it to tell me what I did wrong so we can move past this.

Recent Posts

The Cat Owner's Guide

Do you hate yourself? Do you wish someone would trip you down stairs? Do you enjoy lacerations & and surprise vomit piles?

Fossil Fuel Giant Secures $370 Million Tax Break by Claiming Natural Gas Is a Trendy Alternative Fuel

In a world where words no longer have meaning and gravity is just a suggestion made by nerds in lab coats, a massive fossil fuel corporation has manag...

Scientific Undergarments

What brand of underwear do scientists wear?

What do grandparents smell like?

What do grandparents smell like?

I fell off a 50 ft tall ladder once.

Holy cow how did you survive?

New Pet

I just bought a very tiny amphibian for a pet.

Falling Down

I wrote a book about falling down the stairs, properly.

7 Stupid Questions That Prove Your Middle School Guidance Counselor Was A Liar

We have all heard the motivational posters hanging in middle school hallways. You know the ones: a majestic eagle soaring over a mountain range with a...

The High Stakes Laundry Negotiation

My wife asked why I was standing in the laundry room staring intensely at my favorite sweater for ten minutes without moving.

A Terminal Case of Confusion

I hate traveling. My wife asked me to book a flight that was 'truly unforgettable.' I managed to find a ticket with a twelve-hour layover in a tiny airport that only has one vending machine and a broken rocking chair.

Botox and humps: 20 camels disqualified from beauty pageant for cosmetic surgery scandal

Forget the influencers on Instagram filters or the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The true drama of the cosmetic surgery world has officially moved...

A Bird's Day in Court

Where do you find a murder of crows?

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