Jokes
All kinds of jokes - one-liners, puns, dad jokes, and more!
20 posts
The Memory Foam Betrayal
My wife asked me why I've started spending so much money on expensive memory foam pillows and high-tech orthopaedic mattresses lately....
The Coffee Conspiracy
I think my coffee maker is plotting against me. Every morning it beeps exactly when I am in the shower....
The Fitness Journey
I started a new fitness program. Day one went great: I drove to the gym, looked at it from the parking lot, and drove home....
The Autocorrect Disaster
Autocorrect just changed "I am on my way" to "I am on my waffle." … I am not even mad. I could really go for a waffle right now....
The Cat Meeting
I had a meeting with my cat about his behavior. I listed all the things he broke, the food he stole, and the curtains he destroyed....
The Procrastinator Club
I joined a procrastinator support group. … The first meeting was supposed to be last month. We rescheduled it to next month. I am cautiously optimistic....
The Elevator Joke
I told my friend an elevator joke the other day. … It worked on so many levels....
The Password Requirements
My bank asked me to create a password with at least 8 characters, one uppercase, one lowercase, a number, a special character, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a unicorn....
The Dictionary Thief
Someone stole my thesaurus. I have no words for how angry I am. … Actually, I also have no synonyms....
The GPS Argument
My GPS and I got into an argument. I said "I know a shortcut." She said "Recalculating."...
The Job Interview
Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in five years?" Me: "Celebrating the five-year anniversary of you asking me this question."...
The Time Traveler Convention
I went to a time traveler convention last week. … Nobody showed up. But I am told it was a great event next year....
The Math Teacher
Why was the math teacher suspicious of prime numbers? … Because they could never be divided....
The Parallel Parking Expert
My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that is what she said....
The Programmer and the Genie
A programmer finds a magic lamp. The genie says "I will grant you one wish." The programmer says "I wish for world peace."...
