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The Brutal Salad

Any salad can be a Caesar salad

The Detective's Alma Mater

What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to?

A Pirate's True Love

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Literal Naming Conventions

Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy

The Homeless Bachelor

Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home.

Aviation Vulture

Why did the vulture get kicked off the flight?

The Tortilla Test

True: If you don't eat a whole basket of tortilla chips before your entree arrives in a Mexican restaurant

The Raking Incident

How did the blonde die raking leaves?

Explosive News

Ever since the news came out about Samsung...

The Irony of eBay

I bought an 'Irony Detector' off of eBay, but it was broken.

The Feline Solution

[commercial] [man comes home after long day, opens front door and is attacked by 8 cats] MAN: There has to be a better way!

The Puzzle Master

Did you hear about the idiot who invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle?

Currency Weight

I feel quite light today.

Peak Comedy

Why are mountains so funny?

Why did the chicken hold a seance?

To get to the other side.

Online Shopping Struggles

My life would be a lot easier if when shopping online there was a "Sort by least ugly" option.

The Tiny Detective

Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown?

The Culinary Alarm

I always check my smoke alarms to make sure they're working.

The Lip Service

Why is Chapstick so popular?

Voicemail Victories

Having the option to erase and re-record after having to leave a voicemail

The Slippery Situation

Oh you just put lotion on? You're not going anywhere.