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An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure

but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape...

Military Fashion

Where did the general put his armies?

Joe Hill

What did Joe Hill say when someone asked if he was Joe King?

A Quacking Good Time

Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck*

Stuffed and Distracted

Why couldn't the taxidermist finish anything he started?

Dental Dilemma

Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?

The Salad Lie

Her: You know when you're craving a cheeseburger but you order a salad instead...

Ape Walk

What did the first ape that could walk say to all the other apes?

Philosophical Breakfast

What do you call someone who believes rotten eggs smell bad, but doesn't care?

Condensed Kitty

Why was the cat so small?

Pub Priorities

If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub,

The Loophole Cat

My boyfriend said we could only get one cat.

Apple Review: I Just Bit into a Crisp Red Sphere of Wet Sawdust and Sadness

We have all been there. You are strolling through the produce aisle, feeling like a beacon of health because you bypassed the neon orange cheese puffs ...

The Anatomy of a Pun

What do you call a man with no shins?

Knock, Knock...

Who's there? Peas. Peas who?

The Russian Rush

What happens when Vladimir Putin stands up too fast?

The Laptop's Favorite Season

My laptop told me it was really looking forward to autumn this year. I asked why, and it said it had been waiting all year for the perfect opportunity.

A Heavy Situation

What did the doctor say to the man who walked off the roof of his house?

The Lazy Marksman

I should've been a sniper.

Laundry Logistics

Thinking of getting another bed

Electronic Attraction

Why are TV's attracted to people?