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A Legitimate Loss

My friend had one of those novelty leg lamps from the Christmas Story movie, but he lost it recently...

The Hipster Virus

What did the hipster epidemiologist say to United States citizens at a press conference?

Egg-cellent Timing

I haven't made egg jokes in a while.

Sugar Rush Reality

Def Leppard are a bunch of liars.

Egg-cellent Disappointment

Why did the chick disappoint his mother?

Courtroom Couture

what kind of clothes do lawyers wear?

Habitual Dating

I always heard it was OK to date a nun...

Toolbox Troubles

A construction worker asked me to make a joke about the contents of his toolbox.

Extinct Applause

Why can't a T-Rex clap its hands?

A Popping Pun

I've created a new type of bubble but I don't know how to describe it.

Seasonal Bedtime Blues

What is a bed's least favourite time of year?

A Rare Romance

I'm going out with a girl I met online who's a vegetarian...

A Tasty Resume

I'm so hungry I could eat this piece of paper.

Time Traveler's Interview

If an interviewer asks you: 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years?'

Fashionable Nautical Terms

Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over?

Fashionable Numbers

What did the Zero say to the Eight?

Space Party Planning

What do you have to do to have a party in space?

A Positive Breakup

My girlfriend broke up with me. When she did, I gave her a note that said "Great Job!"

A Damp Afterlife

In hell,

The Price of Dining

Being poor means having to read the menu card...

Magical Laundry

I wonder if Dumbledore ever used the sorting hat...