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Chernobyl Counting

I can count on one hand the number of times I've visited Chernobyl.

The Golfer's Wardrobe Malfunction

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Feline Foul Play

Why do felines always win board games?

A Riotous Tale

You hear the joke about the frenzied mob?

Double the Dad

Children with gay fathers as parents, I seriously sympathize you all

Dream Production

After a dream I had last night, credits rolled.

A Crumbly Situation

Two cookies were walking across the road...

Lizards Know Where To Shop

Where do lizards go after their tail falls off?

The Alarm Clock's Bold Request

Knock, knock! Who's there? Snooze. Snooze who?

Altitude Adjustment

Ginger Ale tastes so much worse

Labor Day

What day do most mothers give birth?

Calendar Chaos

I went to a fancy dress party as a calendar

Apathetic Intuition

What do you call a psychic who simply doesn't care?

Family Negotiations

[5-year-old and 3-year-old scream at each other] Me: Is that how your mom and I settle arguments?

Space Aggression

I don't care if you don't like space puns. I like space puns.

The Tiny Entrepreneur

My 4yr old daughter just charged me $47 for a fake cake she cooked in her pretend oven. I laughed.

Small but Mighty

If you think you are too small to be effective,

The Fantasy Breed

What do you call an orc's wolf with particularly short legs?

The Expensive Bar Tab

What did one deer say to the other after leaving the bar?

Prince Charming

I will awaken her with love's sweet ki--

Steve the Grasshopper

A grasshopper sits at the bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"