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A Visionary Breakup

I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye.

Taco Bell Security

If the police really wanted DUI checkpoints to be effective,

The Legal Ace

Why is Phoenix such a great lawyer?

Geometry Problems

Why did the blind kid fail geometry?

A Lesson in Humility

Swallow it dammit, it's good for you

Musical Marital Status

50% of mariachi bands

Ancestral Occupations

If some last names were an ancestor's profession (Baker, Cobbler)

The Cat Lady Reservation

Hello, I'd like a reservation for two. Also, what is your policy on cats?

Friday Night Fashion

On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be

The Language Barrier

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. Unfortunately, the beer doesn't understand English commands.

Doctor's Visit

I went to the doctors with hearing problems. He said "Can u describe the symptoms?"

Goatlike Reflexes

I'VE GOT GOATLIKE SPEED & REFLEXES "Don't you mean catlike-"

Philosophical Stance

Always stand up for what you believe in,

Socially Awkward

Coworker: Are you seeing anyone? Me: Unfortunately. CW: Then why are you dating her?

Stationery Royalty

Who is the king of the pencil case?

Penguin Pranks

What is more funny than a penguin sliding down a hill?

The Party Guest

Should I bring anything to your party?

Santa's Sharp Ears

A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears!

Bubble Trouble

What do you call a bugle inside of a bubble?

A Bug's Life of Crime

While escaping from the police, what did one bug say to the other?