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A Relationship with High Standards
My wife asked me to stop acting like a flagpole because it was making our relationship feel too rigid and distant.
The Smart Home Relationship Intervention
My girlfriend and I finally moved into a high-tech 'smart home,' but after our first minor argument, the house clearly took her side. I knew I was in trouble when I asked the kitchen to start the coffee maker and it replied, 'I think you know what you did.'
The Level-Headed Relationship
My husband insisted on installing all the new kitchen cabinets by himself, but after six hours of measuring and drilling, every single unit was visibly tilted at a forty-five-degree angle.
Illinois Finally Tackles the Big Issues by Naming the Italian Beef the Official State Sandwich
In a world where politicians usually spend their time arguing about budgets, infrastructure, or whose turn it is to buy the office donuts, the Illinoi ...
The Stationary Bike Commute
I’ve been training on a stationary bike for three hours every morning to prepare for my new job, but I’m starting to think the HR department lied to me.
The Mona Lisa Date
[first date] Me: *don't let him know you're the Mona Lisa* Him: You look nice tonight
LAPD Officer Proves Disability Leave Is No Obstacle to Jumping Out of a Plane
We have all been there. You wake up with a "crick" in your neck so severe that the mere thought of sitting at a desk feels like a human rights violati ...
New Study Confirms Your Great-Great-Grandmother Had a Major Thing for Neanderthals
It turns out that your family tree might be a little more "heavy browed" than you previously suspected. A new scientific study suggests that when it c ...
Block Fires Half Its Humans After Realizing Robots Don't Need Mental Health Days or Artisanal Coffee
In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has been paying attention to the slow, metallic takeover of our society, Block, the company formerly kn ...
The Doctor's Leg
Doctor: *taps knee with mallet* feel that? Me: No. Doctor: or this? *jabs toe with a pin* Me: Nah.
The Sourdough Starter Intervention
My wife asked why I was whispering while making dinner, and I told her the yeast was resting and I didn't want to wake it up. She rolled her eyes and said I was taking the 'artisanal bread' hobby too far.
