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The Battery Blues

A battery's life sucks.

Beethoven's Doorbell Dilemma

Why did Beethoven never answer the doorbell?

Spelling Bee Blues

Why did the spelling bee champ have to go to rehab?

Correction Requested

For someone who said "Correct me if I'm wrong..."

The Pasta's Big Confession

Why did the spaghetti refuse to go to the party?

Toadally Sweet

What's a toads favourite sweet?

Supernatural Hearing

My kids can't hear the dog barking for 15 minutes to come back inside,

A Bloody Pun

A guy goes to donate blood, but decides not to.

The Silver Lining

Thanks to my recent change to a healthier lifestyle, I am no longer fat and ugly.

The Web's Resident Arachnid

What sits in the middle of the world wide web?

The Most Productive Part of My Day

I spent three hours today carefully crafting the perfect caption, choosing the ideal filter, and finding just the right hashtags to post a photo of my lunch.

The Analog Solution

There is this new awesome technology to do group chats...

Scientific Intimacy

My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom.

A Windy Situation

Did you hear that they are building massive oscillating blades in New York?

The PTA Strategy

Hitting on women at this PTA meeting

Your New Spiritual Tattoo Actually Means Soup of the Day

We have all been there. You are wandering through a thrift store or a trendy boutique in a neighborhood where the rent is higher than the oxygen level ...

My Body Filed a Complaint

I asked my doctor why my knees pop, my back cracks, and my shoulders click every time I move. He said my body is just trying to communicate with me. I asked what it's saying.

Noble Silence

I told a joke about noble gasses the other day.

The Nutritionist's Loophole

My nutritionist said that instead of eating three big cheeseburgers,

Academic Overachievers

Sometimes I do things to children that they're too young to understand...