After my surgery, the doctor told me I have to pee sitting down.
I said to my dyslexic mate, "Guess which band has split up?"
I hate how the losers of every election maintain such a high view of themselves...
HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating.
What do you call a number that won't sit still?
I wonder if dog's had facebook,
Why can't a bike stand on it's own?
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, agnostic and a dyslexic?
What happens when frogs park illegally?
Why was the baby ant so confused?
Everytime you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job...
My love for you is like a fart.
Well it's like my dad always told me 'When life gives ya lemons'
A duck walks up to a prostitute....
I got a new TomTom and changed his voice to Chewbacca.
I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World.
Which Greek God loved to collect animals?
What is the best advice to give a worm?
How many portuguese people can fit on a scooter?
September is Alzheimer's Awareness month...
so I decided to eat a clock to pass the time.