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Post-Op Logistics

After my surgery, the doctor told me I have to pee sitting down.

The Dyslexic Band

I said to my dyslexic mate, "Guess which band has split up?"

Election Egos

I hate how the losers of every election maintain such a high view of themselves...

Bravery Moisture

HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating.

The Restless Digit

What do you call a number that won't sit still?

Canine Social Media

I wonder if dog's had facebook,

Exhausted Transportation

Why can't a bike stand on it's own?

The Existential Crisis

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, agnostic and a dyslexic?

Amphibian Parking Violations

What happens when frogs park illegally?

Ant-Family Confusion

Why was the baby ant so confused?

Ballistic Unemployment

Everytime you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job...

A Flatulent Affection

My love for you is like a fart.

Fruit Aisle Philosophy

Well it's like my dad always told me 'When life gives ya lemons'

The Mallard's Tab

A duck walks up to a prostitute....

The Wookiee Navigator

I got a new TomTom and changed his voice to Chewbacca.

Budget Aquarium

I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World.

Divine Zoology

Which Greek God loved to collect animals?

Early Bird Special

What is the best advice to give a worm?

Scooter Capacity

How many portuguese people can fit on a scooter?

A Forgettable Month

September is Alzheimer's Awareness month...

I once was bored

so I decided to eat a clock to pass the time.