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The Babysitter Dilemma

I can't come tonight, I couldn't get a babysitter.

The Daily Grind

How do you know you've been making too many jokes?

The Voice

I farted in church today and four people spun around in their seats and looked at me.

A Party Fowl

Why shouldn't you invite a duck to go out drinking?

Legal Fatherhood

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

Caught in the Act

If a red panda is caught stealing, what do you call it?

A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks

A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks while they are eating and asks:

Avian Ambition

My friend tried to get me with bird puns today.

The Glitter Manifesto

Instead of complaining that it's hard to remove glitter, accept it. Embrace it.

Me and the other guys from the circus

took a night off to see some stand-up comedy but he was really mean and cutting.

Seal of Approval

Why are seals such homebodies?

Poultry Affection

What is the most affectionate type of chicken?

The Programmer's Dilemma

The two hardest things in programming?

Bouncing Off the Walls

The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

The Twitter Paradox

Twitter is the only place where

Mother-in-Law Duty

When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so...

Ghostly Commute

Why did the ghost cross the road?

The Doorway Dilemma

If I exit the bathroom stall singing "Break On Through (To The Other Side)",

Carnival Games

What game do they play at Mexican carnivals?

Gym Renaming

They've finally renamed my gym

Grammar Fears

My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.