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The Giraffe's Big Complaint

I asked a giraffe if he ever gets tired of being so tall. He said, 'Honestly, the height doesn't bother me at all.'

Pointless Technology

Why the new Apple Pencil isn't included with the new iPad Pro.

A Tall Order

I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.

Text from niece

I'm board!

Retail Theater

Watching married couples argue in Bed Bath & Beyond

Shocking Savings

How much for these old batteries?

Parental Math

New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many. New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have?

The Quitter's Paradox

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year,

Religious Gym-goer

I go to the gym religiously.

Nun of Your Business

If a bunch of nuns wanted to help small business, they could create their own small business writing business plans...

The Mathematical Divide

There's 3 kinds of people in this world

The Jedi Locksmith

My front door was locked so I tried to force it open.

The Bluetooth Connection Struggle

My wireless headphones are so loyal that they refuse to connect to my phone while I’m holding it, yet they have no problem pairing with my neighbor’s smart fridge three houses away.

The Passing Neutrino

A neutrino walks into a bar...

Drummer Logic

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

The Tennis Player's Big Mistake

Why did the tennis player get in trouble with his bank?

The Hoffman Legacy

I have a friend named "Chris Hoffman".

Literary Spirits

What do you get when you mix 9th grade literature with alcohol?

Ding Dong

What's brown and sounds like a bell?