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The Memory Foam Betrayal
My wife asked me why I've started spending so much money on expensive memory foam pillows and high-tech orthopaedic mattresses lately.
Windows Weather Report
Why couldn't the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
The Coffee Conspiracy
I think my coffee maker is plotting against me. Every morning it beeps exactly when I am in the shower.
8: Daddy can we go to a haunted house tonight?
Me: You spent the night at Grandmas last week. 8: What? Me: Nothing. 8: I'm telling mom.
The Lice Strategy
Telling my daughter's date that "she has lice and it's very contagious the closer you get to her."
