Jokes
All kinds of jokes - one-liners, puns, dad jokes, and more!
596 posts
A Relationship with High Standards
My wife asked me to stop acting like a flagpole because it was making our relationship feel too rigid and distant.
The Smart Home Relationship Intervention
My girlfriend and I finally moved into a high-tech 'smart home,' but after our first minor argument, the house clearly took her side. I knew I was in trouble when I asked the kitchen to start the coffee maker and it replied, 'I think you know what you did.'
The Level-Headed Relationship
My husband insisted on installing all the new kitchen cabinets by himself, but after six hours of measuring and drilling, every single unit was visibly tilted at a forty-five-degree angle.
The Stationary Bike Commute
I’ve been training on a stationary bike for three hours every morning to prepare for my new job, but I’m starting to think the HR department lied to me.
The Mona Lisa Date
[first date] Me: *don't let him know you're the Mona Lisa* Him: You look nice tonight
Block Fires Half Its Humans After Realizing Robots Don't Need Mental Health Days or Artisanal Coffee
In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has been paying attention to the slow, metallic takeover of our society, Block, the company formerly kn ...
The Doctor's Leg
Doctor: *taps knee with mallet* feel that? Me: No. Doctor: or this? *jabs toe with a pin* Me: Nah.
The Sourdough Starter Intervention
My wife asked why I was whispering while making dinner, and I told her the yeast was resting and I didn't want to wake it up. She rolled her eyes and said I was taking the 'artisanal bread' hobby too far.
The Spreadsheet Escape Artist
Why did the overworked accountant suddenly decide to hide inside his own Excel document?
The Low Pressure Promotion
The local meteorologist was thrilled to get a massive promotion, but his friends were confused because he never actually got the forecast right. When they asked how he landed a senior leadership role despite his terrible track record, he just smiled.
The Digital Breadcrumb Trail
Online privacy is a myth because I once whispered the word 'spatula' in my sleep, and by breakfast, my social media feed was showing me a sponsored video for a silicone flipper that also plays jazz music.
The Memory Foam Betrayal
My wife asked me why I've started spending so much money on expensive memory foam pillows and high-tech orthopaedic mattresses lately.
