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  George Bush's Resume

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RESUME of GEORGE W. BUSH

The White House USA

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for congress and lost.

I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money.
Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the ChicagoWhite Sox.

With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas
them most polluted state in the Union.

I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.

I set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

I became President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000
votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I attacked two countries.

I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

I shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.

I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

I am the first President in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

I am the first President in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

In the first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on
vacation by any President in US history. After taking the entire month of
August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips taken by any
President in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.

I cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any
President in US history.

I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than
any President in US history.

I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to
intervene when corruption was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused
to use the national reserves as past Presidents have.

I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
take to the streets to protest against me (15 million people), shattering
the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

I dissolved more international treaties than any President in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US
history. The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice has a Chevron
oil tanker named after her).

I am the first President in US history to order a US attack and
military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the
United Nations and the world community.

I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the
history of the United States.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
increases,more than any President in US history.

I am the first President in US history to have the United Nations
remove the US from the human rights commission.

I am the first President in US history to have the United Nations
remove the US from the elections monitoring board.

I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of
congressional oversight than any Presidential administration in US history.

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.. I withdrew from the
World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners
of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

I am the first President in US history to refuse United Nations
election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate
campaign donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who's also
one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy
frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

I, with a policy of disengagement, created the most hostile
Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

I am the first US President in history to have a majority of the
people of Europe (71%) view my presidency
as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

I am the first US President in history to have the people of South
Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the
leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After almost two years
I have no leads and zero suspects. In the two years following the 911 attacks
I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest
security failure in the history of the United States.

I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any
other President in US history.

In a little over two years I created the most divided country in
decades,possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less
than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas
driving record has been erased and is not available).

I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a
time of war.

I refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away
to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the
board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding
public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review.


For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker
(They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group which has been
accused of war-profiteering.)

(My Grandfather was Prescott Bush, who helped fund Nazi Germany and
other European fascistic regimes.)

George Bush's Resume - George W Bush's not so flattering resume. - Funny Picture

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