Letters To Santa

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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky." That's why you're getting your ass
whipped at school.
Secondly, you don't live in a house. That's a low-rent apartment complex
you're living in.
Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your
bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,
BiLLy

Dear Billy:
Nice spelling. You're well on your way to being a career lawn care
specialist. How 'bout I send you a book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I've been a good girl all year and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy
in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah:
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love,
Joey

Dear Joey:
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy:
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby sitter?
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you
some nice LEGOs instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan:
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas:
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the
craps table.
Hey, YOU wanted to know!

Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping? Do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica:
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
house...
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
PLEASE.
Timmy

Dear Timmy:
That whinny begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work up here. You're getting a sweater... AGAIN.
Santa

Letters To Santa - Funny letter to Santa From little boy