Santa's Memo
Funny Joke
---------Original Message Below---------
From: Santa Claus (santa.claus@northpole.com)
To: ALL (team@northpole.com)
Date: Friday, November 30, 2001, 12:25:01 PM
Subject: Some Changes
Ho-Ho-Ho, team.
I write to you today with some unfortunate news, but I also wish to take a look at our future plans and some of our recent accomplishments.
First, the bad news. Due to revenue shortfalls relating to the current economic recession, and the events of September 11th, we will be reducing our staff by roughly 15%. Those elves affected by this move have been notified and every effort will be made to help them make a smooth transition.
This was a tough decision to make, but we cannot hope to achieve profitability unless we tighten our belts around here.
To that end, the following cost-saving measures will be going into affect over the next week or two:
1) All contract employees (specifically everyone in the Department Store Santa division) will be undergoing a job performance evaluation, in an effort to make sure everyone is contributing effectively.
2) NorthPole Interactive, our Internet operation, will be experiencing some changes as we shift our focus to a more B2B oriented model. This may eventually result in some additional staff reductions.
3) Lunch breaks will be shortened from 30 minutes to 22 minutes. We believe this will still provide you sufficient time to consume your lunch, provided you use that time productively. The extra 8 minutes of work should have a beneficial effect on our bottom-line.
As you know, for thousands of years we've provided children all over the world with free toys, asking for only good behavior and cookies in return. We believe that this business model is no longer viable. So, beginning with Christmas 2002, we will be charging children a $9.99 subscription fee to continue receiving presents from Santa.
In addition to this subscription service, we will begin selling advertisements on the wrapping paper used to package our products. Each year we reach hundreds of millions of children, and this strategy will allow us to use that audience to create an additional revenue stream.
As I’ve discussed with you in past emails, we’re still moving forward with our plans to launch a new holiday in mid-August (a relatively open market, where we’ll face very little competition). Plus, we’re exploring a proposal to expand into two new markets, specifically Easter and Thanksgiving, where we believe our product offerings would meet with some success.
This is an exciting time here at the North Pole, and we hope you share in our feeling of optimism for the future of North Pole Enterprises.
Ho-Ho-Ho,
Santa
P.S. All elves will be expected to work on Saturday for the remainder of this month, as we are experiencing an increase in activity due to the Christmas holiday.
--------------------------------
Santa E. Claus
President & CEO, North Pole Enterprises
santa.claus@northpole.com
(120) 555-1941
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