Nair on Balls
Funny Joke
If you think that you have done some stupid things, if you feel that your life has been ripe with folly, you don't know just how crazy MY life has been.
Alright. About 3 years ago, I was working for a grocery store. My job was to "face" the shelves for 5 hours, 4-5 days a week. Now being as I was only 16 at the time it was a very experimental period for me. I was just discovering the joys of internet pornography and I had noticed one thing... all the men had no pubic hair. None. It's like they were born without it. This discovery is one I can attribute to my useless body hair philosophy and thank your religiously vague omnipotent uber-being that I'm no Robin Williams and am virtually hairless. But I noticed over the past few years that my testicles and wang were beginning to get a little hairy; not something I was entirely fond of based on the porn that I had been watching because in my mind I had associated a hairless penis with the ability to charm and eventually shag a woman, or man, or dog or what-have-you.
This is where my 16 year old life turned very painful for a period of two days. After working at this store for nine months, I had the layout and surveillance camera layout memorized to a "T". I knew what they could and couldn't see. I knew what I could and could not get away with. I was also forced to tuck in my shirt, very useful in the liberating of goods from a company that was paying me 6.07 an hour but had managed to turn a $50,000,000 profit in the city I lived in alone (an interesting feat in a city of at the time 55,000). So one night, I commandeered a bottle of "Nair for Men," this wonder of all hair removal products that you could apply and then just wipe the hair away. I slipped it inside my shirt, made a "cart run" and placed it inside my parents vehicle, under the seat and out of sight. (The reason I had this vehicle was because my parents were out of town.)
When I got home from work, I read the instructions and the warnings, promptly ignoring the one that said "do not apply on nipples, genitals or underarms" being the invincible 16 year old that I was. And so I used the Nair for Men on and around my genitalia. I waited the 4 minutes the packaging said to wait, took a damp cloth and began to wipe a way the hair. Not fast enough apparently because my scrotum began to sting and then burn like I had dipped it into a vat or bleach, hydrochloric acid, and boiling oil. I panicked, jumped in the shower and began to rinse and scrub and do whatever I could to sooth the searing pain I just discovered. I tried soap. I later read on the package to NOT mix Nair for Men with SOAP. I don't know what chemical reaction it creates but MOTHER****ER it did a number on my scrotal area.
For the next 24 hours I could not sit, stand, squat, walk or EXIST with out feeling a stinging sensation in my lower reaches. For the next week after that I was peeling dead skin off of my scrotum because apparently, this thing was made out of some form of acid that will burn you in the same way that hair bleach will make all the skin on your hands peel off (another story for another time.)
I hope you're entertained because goddamn! Do I feel foolish just retelling that harrowing tale of my youthful stupidity.
FREE Horoscopes sent daily to your cell phone!Nair on Balls - Hairless balls and Nair do not mix, but not everyone heeds the warning. Hear this 16 year old guy's experience with a bottle of Nair and a hairy balls. A young man feels foolish retelling his tale of youthful stupidity. - Funny Joke
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